Perspective
#mensministry
#marriage
Job 12:13 and 1 Corinthians 3:7-8
My wife (baptized Catholic as a child) and I are going through the Convalidation of our marriage in the Catholic Church. After 33 years of marriage, we want God’s continued blessing on our marriage and our family. We know that it is by God’s hand that we are held, and we know that by the Spirit of Christ we have His grace. We seek to remain in His grace and to grow in it.
It is a great time for me to reflect on my wife’s strengths. She is a beauty, truly, a genuine Proverbs 31 woman.
A benefit of a godly wife, as with genuine godly friends, is a perspective that is not ours. Others can see optimism where we see pessimism. They see a way forward when we are stuck and stalled. Likewise, we encourage, work, help, and give our encouragement. Men, we lead and initiate just as God calls us to. Godly men are not passive.
My wife is truly gifted, and I mean this with no tongue in cheek at all, with a unique perspective. It can be annoying to have her, in almost every discussion, take an alternative view and a broad, gracious look at things. She sees in every conversation, situation, and endeavor a view that is unique to her character. Even in trouble, she sees opportunity. For all who know her, she is truly positive, truly a defender of all people, a giver of grace and mercy. It is a gifting, a Holy Spirit gifting.
Almost without exception, Kari will provide grace to others when we are talking about them, even people who are objectively difficult or rotten. When I tend to quickly judge and even condemn, she defends and gives grace. It can be frustrating and perplexing, but it is very good, and I am truly thankful and appreciative of her perspective. I know that the grace and mercy she gives to others she also gives to me.
I easily write people off, part of my ENTJ personality, no doubt. Kari extends hope for people to do the right thing and for them to improve. She knows that from a spiritual perspective (through Christ) weeds can become wheat, something I need to be reminded of constantly. She does not insert bad motives that we have not confirmed or ascertained; to the contrary, she often inserts alternative motives that are good and pure and well-intentioned. Now, if Kari concludes someone is selfish or lazy or corrupt, usually a shock and a once-or-twice-a-year type of thing, you will know very well that the person has indeed earned such an assessment.
When we study Job’s dialogue with his friends, we find truth and distinct perspective in what each man is saying. But each person has a relationship with God, and each of Job’s three friends speaks truth from their perspective, as does Job. Each of us is limited in our view. Job and his trusted friends do not know what has happened in the heavenly court. They are missing part of the plot: that Satan is the one who has caused such harm and evil (Job 1). We can learn from each of them.
With your friends, and yes, with your Proverbs 31 wife, extend grace. You are not all-knowing, obviously. Wisdom will not die with you, or with me!
Job certainly gets it right when he tells his friends, “Wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old; But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are his” (Job 12:12-13).
Remember, we believers in Christ are in this together. Our marriages are for the long haul. In heaven we will love each other even more by God’s grace. Marriage is a sacrament, and the family is sacred. That’s a fact. Each is a gift from God.
Great marriages take work. We are not adversaries with our spouse. We are one body, one flesh, unified by God, for God’s good purposes.
Think of it in terms of how St. Paul instructs us to work with our fellow Christians in ministry. Paul said, “What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work” (1 Corinthians 3:7-8).
Just because our wives or friends have a different perspective from ours does not mean they or we are right or wrong. We often conclude the same thing eventually, but the timing can be different. Be patient with each other. And value your wife’s perspective as she should value yours.
Appreciate perspective. Welcome it in all situations. For in dialogue, planning, exploration, debate, instruction, and all endeavors, we can improve each other. Marriage is God’s design. It is His sacrament, His blessed institution for our good.
God provides seasons for a reason. Each season gives us different perspectives. Like a perfect prescription, we see best through a clear lens. I’m near-sighted, and Kari-Lynn is far-sighted. God designs things this way. In marriage and in all our relationships, build on each other’s perspective. It is for our good and for the good of all God’s holy Church.
May our perspective be good and true and helpful, and from You, Lord Jesus. May we be an encouragement to all we encounter today. Thank you for our marriages and for our families. We know they are a gift from You. Amen.
We are looking after the four grandsons this week.
Comments