I was thinking this week about whether it is okay to want to sit at the big boys' table, so to speak. And the answer I came to is that it depends. Early in my career, I was blessed by senior attorneys who brought me along to meet with CEOs and executives as they planned for transactions. I remember a hostile takeover bid in the late 1990s and how impressed I was with my senior partner’s ability to represent our client (a registered agent trust company), who was stuck in between two warring parties over public company shareholder lists and the timing to release the names. We had to go to court. And while, as securities lawyers we were solicitors, not litigators, my senior partner made some wise decisions (even as opposing counsel astonishingly screamed at us in the courtroom - after the judge left the chambers) and showed me by how he acted that I had many years to go before I would be able to navigate such reef filled waters.
I also remember our early years after Kari and I became Christians and how the senior pastor at our Southern Baptist Church wisely got us involved in serving in Sunday School. He also got me on the church board and involved us in simple things like reading Scripture during services and then had us serve on the deacon team as well. Frankly, we were too green to be at the big boy table back then, but I’m so thankful for the mentorship we received. And I hope that over the years, those young attorneys I’ve been able to work with and young people in the church have gained something from our mentorship.
It’s good to want to be an elder. If you do, the Bible says that you desire an honorable role - it’s a good thing (1 Timothy 3:1-7). But make sure your motives are right. Never seek a position for the sake of a position.
Another quick story. I remember a lawyer at another large national firm - we had been friends in undergrad, and he was a year behind me at my law school. He eventually became a senior partner at a large firm. But when we were in our late 20s, he decided to dye his hair on the sides of his head grey so he’d look more mature. I, too, wanted to look the part of a senior lawyer back then, but man, I thought that was kinda nuts. (Now, by the way, all the old guys like me want to look young....) As it turns out, that lawyer was later disbarred as he got into drugs and then gambling and then absconded with trust funds from that big firm. He now works for his family business back in his hometown, right back where he started before law school. I pray he is doing well and trust that God is working in his life. Truth is stranger than fiction.
Having been on publicly traded company boards and private company boards, I can tell you that the big boy table ain’t often all it’s cracked up to be. And where you'd expect to see leadership maturity, oftentimes it is not there at all. Jesus took the little children onto his lap and talked of their innocence, honesty, transparency, and the pureness of their love. In fact, it is at the kids' table where there is joy and happiness, wonder, optimism, and reliance on God. So yes, seek an honorable role, but make sure your motives are right.
(By the way, we had a great week. We celebrated our thirty-year-old son’s birthday, spent a great time golfing with our kids; our family seems to be growing spiritually as it grows in size. Yet a dear friend of ours tragically lost her sister (36 years old - died in under 24 hours from a strep infection). So while we celebrate the goodness of life, we also mourn the reality of sin and loss and the pain of death.)
A few quick thoughts as, by God's grace, I get ready to go and worship this morning. What are some personal markers of maturity? How can we know if we are ready to serve at the big boys' table, if we are qualified to be elders (by Biblical standards)? I think it is healthy for us to think about these things in honest self-reflection with an eager willingness to be and do what is right and good. How do we know if we are really growing?
Yes, I know as well as you do that it’s easy to recognize the backsliding. A pounding hangover is an easily recognizable marker. So too is gluttony, boasting, constant fixation on your wealth or retirement, or your next vacation. If you need a simple test, just assess your growth as a spiritual leader in your family. Are you setting the example of being part of a healthy God honoring church? If not, what excuses are you holding up? Are they good ones?
I am praying for my daughter and my sons, my friends, and my family. But I’m praying for myself too, as I want to be spiritually mature. We see time and again that God is faithful; He always does His part. When God answered Joshua’s prayer for help in extending the time to fight in the battle against the Southern Armies, God gladly and miraculously gave the Israelites just what they needed: time, the opportunity to fight well (Joshua 10).
Like those people of old, we too are in a spiritual battle that plays out in the physical world. What window of opportunity have we asked God for? And when God gives us victory, are we ready to step up and keep going in commitment to make more disciples?
One principle we see in the Bible time and again, and that plays out in the business world, is that we need good examples. We need mentors. And we need to be good protégés. It’s the principle that to be a good mature leader we must first be faithful followers (Joshua 11:15). We must recognize that it is God who keeps us alive (Joshua 14:10). We rely on Jesus for our breath, strength, and mental acuity (and yes there is a strark difference between the acuity of a man of God like Caleb and others). Never lose sight of how much God loves you. God promises to provide all we need, now and forever.
It is truly satisfying to see our friends and family members maturing in Christ. Yes, by the grace of God, we are growing more like our Merciful King. But continue to assess and address blind spots. The best hockey players always practice the basics alongside new drills. Keep practicing, as good discipline leads to championships. A mark of maturity is your willingness to ask for the next task from God rather than for an atta boy (Luke 17:7-10). Keep fighting. Keep going.
As you well know, having more money or less does not equate to leadership maturity. Yet the process of starting from scratch and building does indeed build godly character and maturity. No matter your age, be prepared to take risks and start anew as necessary. Grow in faith in the Christian way (2 Peter 1:5-7). It’s a continuous improvement process.
A marker of maturity is recognizing and committing to accountability. The Bible says, “Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God” (Romans 14:12). Leaders are not exempt from hard work, nor are they exempt from the consequences of bad behavior (2 Samuel 11:27). Wise leaders build accountability into their own lives so they don’t walk as hypocrites. They know the power of temptation and the destructiveness of sin. And they bridle their behavior so that they can ride well, cantoring or galloping - in the cavalry charge of conquering for Christ.
Our lives are so fragile. We often forget that right living can save our lives, and living contrary to God's standards and design and commands can destroy it (Proverbs 10:2). Accepting discipline is a mark of maturity.
Hatred, jealousy, bitter rivalry, and selfish ambition bring about disunity and all the desires of the devil. It is a mark of maturity to respond with a gentle answer, to give grace where none is due, and to love as Jesus powerfully commands us to love. A consistently loving leader is a mark of maturity.
Listening well and keeping silent with the myriad unhelpful comments that cross our minds is a mark of maturity. Yes, you know a lot, and can offer a lot; good for you, only a fool needs to show it.
The mark of maturity is on the loving face of a believer in Christ who knows God’s love and God’s forgiveness, and God’s promises. Yes, your loving eyes and warm smile show your maturity. Happiness is not a fruitless and endless pursuit. Rather, it is the result of faith in Jesus Christ, following His promises and His way.
Thank you, Lord God, for this glorious Sunday. Please bless the one and only people of God (the people who trust Jesus) beyond measure today. Amen.
Our daughter, Meghan Grace, when she was about five.
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